


It was always you

by kleemoon (orphan_account)



Category: 30 Seconds to Mars
Genre: Language, M/M, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-01 20:27:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17250863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/kleemoon





	It was always you

“Holy fuck! What are you doing here?” Jared threw his arms around his smirking brother, not releasing him until he’d pulled him into his dorm room. “Why didn’t you call me and let me know, fucker?”

Shannon let his bag drop to the floor, wrapping his arms tightly around Jared’s waist, lifting him right off the floor and making him squeal. “Surprise!”

“Fucking right, surprise. Now put me the fuck down so I can at least close the door,” Jared grinned, untangling himself from Shannon. “Shouldn’t you be working or something?”

“Yeah, but I blew it off,” Shannon shrugged, tossing his coat to the chair beside the window. “So ... this is college life, huh? Looks a little tame for you, baby brother.”

Jared couldn’t help but just stare at Shannon. It had been more than eight months since they’d seen each other and his brother already looked like he’d aged, but not in a bad way. He seemed broader somehow, bigger across the chest and shoulders, and he’d definitely developed some arms that he hadn’t had before.

“You been working out or something?” Jared asked, settling himself on the single bed against the wall, his eyes never leaving Shannon as his brother explored the small room that had become Jared’s home. “You look ... I dunno ... bigger.”

“I guess construction will do that to you,” Shannon smirked, sitting down beside his brother. “I cannot imagine how your high maintenance ways all fit into this little room, bro.”

Jared grinned and smacked Shannon on the side of the head. “I am not high maintenance, and I guess you get used to a smaller space if you have to.”

“Gotta roommate?” Shannon asked, tipping his head to the other side of the room where a tightly-made bed sat against the other wall.

Jared shook his head. “I did, but the guy decided to run off and be a rock star or something like that,” he snorted. “They haven’t replaced him yet which is fine with me.”

“Rock star? Guess he fit right in with you then, huh?”

“Naw. We jammed a little bit, but I haven’t been playing much at all really. You?” Jared’s eyes followed Shannon’s as his older brother dipped his head and became very interested in the fingers in his lap. Shannon shook his head, his face still downturned while Jared continued to study him. “Something happen, Shan?”

“Nothing major. Had some money problems and had to sell my kit. No big deal.” Shannon’s words didn’t match the look in his eyes when he finally reconnected with his brother’s gaze; the flecks of gold in the hazel seeming dull and lifeless and just sad.

“You sold your kit?” Jared asked unbelievably. “Why the fuck d’ya do that?”

Shannon shrugged. “Like I said, it’s no big deal. So, you gonna show me around this pussy campus or what?”

Seeing the obvious discomfort in Shannon, Jared let all the questions that were circling in his head rest quietly, saved for later. “Sure. There are some pretty fine students hanging around, bro. You looking for some action?”

“No!” Shannon replied too quickly, making Jared flinch with the sudden loudness of his brother’s voice. “I mean, I just came to see you, Jay. Can’t we just look around without it being about getting laid all the time?”

Jared bit the inside of his cheek, more questions swirling around his brain. “Something going on that you wanna tell me about, Shan?”

“No. I just want you to show me your life now, is that too much to ask?” Shannon’s hands clenched in frustration, his brow furrowing to within an inch of its life. Jared reached an arm around his shoulders and pulled him into a strong hug, feeling his brother trembling slightly.

“Okay, no problem. How about a beer?”

Shannon nodded against Jared’s shoulder, his eyes closing as he breathed in the familiar scent of his brother; the familiar scent he’d missed so much and that had always been of comfort to him. “Yeah. A beer sounds perfect.”

₪ ø lll ·o.

 

“Shhh,” Jared hissed, dramatically putting a finger to his lips. “Gotta be quiet so we don’t wake the neighbors.” He kept trying to steady his hand enough to fit the key in the keyhole, but the fucker was just not cooperating, and his snickering brother behind him was not helping the situation. “Fuck. Maybe it’s the wrong key.”

“Do you have any other ones?” Shannon asked in a loud whisper, his eyes wide and bright with all the alcohol he’d consumed.

“No,” Jared hissed again.

“Maybe it’s the wrong door then.” Shannon shrugged, thinking his answer was quite logical in his own mind since he didn’t know whether they were even on the right floor of the dorm, let alone at the right door. Jared suddenly twirled around, his eyes searching the other doors quickly, his body being uncooperative and bumping him roughly into Shannon, knocking them both to the floor with the younger Leto falling on top of his dazed brother.

They stared at each other for a few long seconds then burst into uncontrollable laughter, Shannon letting his head fall back onto the hard floor and Jared resting his on his brother’s chest. They felt their bodies rock together in laughter; thighs and hips pressed firmly together. Jared felt one of Shannon’s hands come up to lightly rub his lower back, and he lifted his head to see that the laughter had gone from his brother’s face and had been replaced with a harsh seriousness that almost took his breath away.

He stared down into those beautiful hazel eyes; the ones he’d lived with all his life, the ones he’d missed so much in the past months. He breathed out slowly, bringing one hand up to stroke the hair from Shannon’s forehead as he bent his head and gently pressed his lips to Shannon’s.

Shannon responded by bringing his other arm up to circle Jared’s waist, holding him tightly against himself, and deepening the kiss. A small groan escaped Jared’s lips, the sound hollow and almost echoing as it entered Shannon’s mouth and then fell away.

“We shouldn’t ... we can’t ...” Shannon stammered, suddenly stone-cold sober. “Jay ...”

Shannon’s eyes quickly changed from sparkling to dull as he released his hold on Jared’s body and let his body go lax. “Sorry ... it’s just the booze.”

Jared nodded and struggled to his feet, offering a hand to Shannon to right himself as well. “Where the fuck did that key go now?” he muttered, avoiding Shannon’s steely gaze as he searched the floor for the forgotten key. Shannon bent down and retrieved it, then stuck it easily into the keyhole and opened the door.

“Thanks,” Jared said softly, slipping past Shannon and into the room. “You um ... need anything before we crash?” Shannon shook his head, eyeing the two beds in the room; one still tightly-made and the other a mass of covers and clothes and cassette tapes.

“I’m gonna hit the bathroom then,” Jared said, staggering slightly as he tried to toe-off his shoes. “You need to?”

“No. I went at the bar. You go ahead.”

Jared nodded and made his way out the door and down the hall, his staggering seeming to improve with every step. He felt like his whole body was shaking and he really hoped that Shannon hadn’t noticed, or at least had thought it was only the booze making him so unstable. He unzipped his pants in the stall and leaned one hand up against the wall. He was fucking exhausted and extremely grateful for that fact. He figured he’d be able to sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, despite the fact that Shannon would be sleeping only a few feet away. He thought if he just got past this first night, everything would be easier in the morning.

Shannon was sitting on the chair at the desk, his head turned to look out the small window. Jared stood for a moment just looking at his brother; just watching and feeling afraid, and excited all at the same time. Shannon had taken his shirt off and Jared could see the new muscles in his back, the way the moonlight danced off Shannon’s smooth skin and of course, the ugly scar that had never quite faded away.

“You okay?” he asked, crossing the room and laying a hand on Shannon’s shoulder, the feel of the muscle flinching beneath his brother’s skin, making his breath catch in his throat. He let his fingers lightly trace the scar that ran from the left side of Shannon’s neck to the middle of his shoulder blade, the raised skin hot and rough.

Shannon suddenly rose from the chair, almost knocking Jared backwards and onto his ass. He managed to right himself and stepped back from his brother. “Sorry. You startled me,” Shannon whispered, one side of his mouth curling up into a grin; a grin that met neither the confusion or fear in his eyes.

“Does it still bother you? The scar, I mean?” Jared asked softly, stepping backwards and sitting on his bed.

“No. It healed a long time ago,” Shannon muttered back as he watched Jared’s blue eyes flit across his face, settle on his lips, then revert back to his eyes. “You look tired, Jay.”

“It’s late,” Jared replied. “You got everything you need?”

“You already asked me that.”

“Oh, did I? Must be the booze,” Jared smirked unconvincingly. “Did you answer me?”

“I’m fine. Let’s call it a night. You can show me some more of your world in the morning or maybe the afternoon since it’s already the morning.” Shannon was going for light and funny, but his voice didn’t seem to be cooperating and he felt like he was just going through the motions while his mind continued to spin. He shook Jared’s gaze from his face, looking down at his fingers that were working the button on his jeans then sitting down on the opposite bed and pulling the pants down his legs.

Jared stayed completely still, unable to tear his eyes away from Shannon as more of the man’s skin was laid bear, and more of the scars were revealed. “I wish I’d been there ...”

“Good night, Jay,” Shannon said, cutting off his brother’s words. “I’m glad I’m here.”

“Me too,” Jared mumbled back, watching as Shannon pulled the covers back and slid between the plain white sheets. He slowly exhaled then pulled the two t-shirts from his body and the jeans from his legs. As his head hit the pillow and he slowly closed his eyes, he felt the bed spin beneath him and prayed for quick slumber before his stomach decided to rebel against all the beer he’d consumed. The last goddamn thing he wanted to do was have to run to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

“Jared?”

“Yeah?”

“You gonna turn off the light?”

“Oh yeah,” Jared sat up and reached for the switch above his head, drowning the room in darkness and feeling the harshness of the light fade from his already-aching head. “Shan?”

“Yeah?”

“It doesn’t really feel like my world without you here. I never noticed it before now, but I really fucking missed you.”

Silence filled the room as Jared listened for a response, finally figuring Shannon had fallen asleep and deciding to do the same. He turned to his side, facing the bed across the room and discovered Shannon’s eyes staring back at him in the dim light.

“I missed you, too, Jay,” Shannon said softly before closing his eyes and letting sleep take him. Jared gazed at his brother for a few more minutes, fighting the urge to close his tired eyes until he finally had to give up the struggle and he fell into a restless sleep.

₪ ø lll ·o.

 

Jared woke with a start, unsure of what had awoken him, until he heard the moans coming from the other bed. He sat up slowly, his head swimming with confusion as his eyes finally focussed on Shannon. His brother lay flat on his back, his body writhing and his mouth opening and closing in wordless conflict. When another, louder groan escaped Shannon’s lips, Jared rose from his bed and knelt beside his brother.

“Shan?” he whispered, laying a gentle hand on his forehead. “Shannon? Wake up, bro.”

Shannon’s eyes suddenly opened wide and his body shot up from the bed, knocking Jared backwards as a flailing backhand connected with his cheek. “Oh fuck!” Shannon gasped. “Jared, what the fuck, man? What were you doing?”

Jared rubbed his cheek and stood up from the floor. “You were dreaming or something. I was just trying to wake you up.”

“Did I hit you?”

“It was an accident. I’m fine. What about you? Sounded pretty intense.”

Shannon ran a hand through his hair, scratching at his scalp and pulling the strands slightly. “Nothing unusual. It’s been happening less and less. No big deal.”

Jared nodded, but was unconvinced as he sat down on his bed again. “Have you seen anyone about them ... to talk about what happened I mean?”

“What are you saying Jared? You think I need some kind of help?”

“Yeah ... maybe. I’m just worried that’s all.”

“I haven’t seen you since it happened so you don’t need to worry,” Shannon replied, a hint of spite peppering his voice

“Only because you wouldn’t fucking let me come see you!” Jared said, his voice raised and angry. “You wouldn’t even let me come see you in the hospital, man. That fucking hurt.”

“Can we just go to sleep? I’m tired,” Shannon hissed, laying back onto his pillow.

“Why are you here, Shan? Why are you really here?”

“Good night, Jared.”

“Fuck that!” Jared hissed. “You can’t just show up here and say shit like that to me. If you’re here to talk, then let’s talk.”

Shannon sighed loudly, his eyes staring blankly at the ceiling. “I told you why I’m here, Jay. I missed you ... and I wanted to see you.”

Jared rose from the chair and settled himself on the edge of Shannon’s bed, one hand lightly falling on his brother’s thigh. “Why didn’t you let me come see you, Shan? I was so fucking worried.”

“I didn’t want you to see how stupid I’d been,” Shannon replied, exhaling loudly, his mind willing Jared to just give up and go to sleep.

Jared dug his nails into the blanket covering Shannon’s leg, his body leaning closer to his brothers, eyes focused on Shannon’s face. “How could you think I’d call you stupid? How could you fucking think that?”

“Because I was!” Shannon reared up in the bed, pushing Jared’s hand and body away from him. “I let myself be hurt because I was an idiot, Jay. A big fucking idiot! Those fuckers jumped me because I was drunk and arrogant and shouting to the whole fucking world that I was fucking gay and missed my little brother! It was a mistake for me to come here. Fucking Christ ...”

Shannon’s rant was cut off by Jared’s body pressing against his, forcing him down onto the mattress. “It wasn’t a mistake ...” he breathed inches from Shannon’s mouth, the firmness of his brother’s body beneath him, distracting and exciting him. “... unless you really believe that.”

“I just ... I don’t know what to do ... all these fucking feelings are coming back ... all these feelings I tried to fight so hard to get rid of ...” Shannon stammered, hands coming up to rest lightly on Jared’s lower back. “All those feelings that we both know shouldn’t have ever been there in the first place.”

“But they were ... and they are,” Jared whispered, raising himself up so he straddled Shannon’s body, hands leaning on his brother’s strong chest. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me, Shan. You should have told me that you wanted me there. That’s all I was waiting to hear.”

“I missed you so fucking bad when you left.” Shannon’s voice was thick with emotion, his fingers clenching and releasing the soft skin of Jared’s body. “I didn’t know what to do with myself anymore. You were always there before ... we were always together, then ... you just weren’t there and it was like I lost my fucking mind. All I could think about was what you were doing and who you were with and ... who you were loving.”

Jared felt a lump form in his throat, his heart racing and his mind reeling. “I wasn’t loving anyone, Shan. I’ve only ever loved you ... for my whole fucking life. I may have had sex, but it wasn’t love or anything even close to love. When you wouldn’t even let me come see you, I thought you didn’t want me anymore ... I thought you’d gotten tired of your little brother tagging along wherever you went. I thought you’d finally managed to get rid of all those feelings that you never wanted to have for me ...”

“It’s not that I never wanted to have them ... you know that, right?” Shannon interrupted. “It was never about not wanting you. It was about letting you go so you could be better and do better.”

“Well, I guess it didn’t work,” Jared teased half-heartedly. “I guess you just have to stop fighting and start loving me again.”

“I never stopped,” Shannon said, moving his hands higher up on Jared’s body and forcing his brother back down on top of him. Raising his head, he touched his lips lightly to Jared’s as his brother’s hands cupped his face. “I want you back, Jared.”

“You never lost me. But you have to be willing to say fuck everyone else. Fuck everyone who doesn’t think it’s right and fuck those guilty goddamn feelings you keep tucked inside you. Are you ready to do that?”

Shannon kissed Jared hard, his lips moving desperately over his brother’s, arms holding the slim body tight. He let out a groan when he felt Jared’s tongue poke between his lips and he opened his mouth, sucking and licking the sweet, familiar taste of Jared. “I’m ready,” he whispered against the warm lips.

Pulling his head back, Jared’s face broke out into a wide grin, his fingers moving to tug gently in Shannon’s hair. “Move here, Shan. There’s nothing keeping you back home, right? Move here and we can be together, just like it should be. We can get our own place, find you a job. We can get you a new kit and start playing again ... just you and me ... ”

Shannon snickered, his hands coming up to cup Jared’s face, his heart light for the first time in almost a year. “Slow down. Let me enjoy having you back for at least a night before you start your goddamn planning and plotting.”

Jared pressed their lips together again in a chaste kiss, pulling away quickly and enjoying the look of confusion in Shannon’s eyes. “You know what I’ve really missed over the past eight months and seventeen days?”

“You haven’t changed a bit, have you?” Shannon smirked. “That brain of yours still runs a hundred miles an hour.”

“Did you want me to change?”

“Fuck no.”

“Good, then ask me what I really missed during that time.” Jared bit the inside of his cheek as he watched Shannon’s eyes narrow and his brow furrow.

“Okay. Jared, what did you really miss in those eight months and however many days?”

“Seventeen days.”

“Sorry. Eight months and seventeen days.”

“I missed you fucking me.”

Shannon’s mouth dropped open and he felt a sudden stirring in his boxers. “Wha ...”

“Didn’t get shy while I was away, did ya?” Jared teased, his tongue sliding wetly over Shannon’s lips. “Not too shy to fuck me, I hope. ‘Cause goddamn, that’s what I really need you to do right now. Fuck me hard, Shan. That’s all I’ve dreamed about since I left. Every single time I was with a guy or even a girl, I pretended they were you. It was the only way I could get off ... by pretending it was you kissing me or sucking my cock or fucking my ass. It was always you.”

Shannon swallowed loudly as Jared wiggled the covers away and the two finally lay skin to skin. His hands moved down to Jared’s ass, grinding his brother’s hard cock against his own. “I forgot how good you are at talking dirty.”

“Want me to remind you some more ...” Jared purred against Shannon’s mouth. “Or do you just want me to suck your cock and get things rolling?”

Sucking Jared’s bottom lip between his teeth, and loving the moan that escaped the occupied lips, Shannon snickered softly and ran his fingers over his brother’s clothed crack. “Talking is totally over-rated when it comes to you, little brother. Your mouth can definitely be put to better use.”

“Hey! Should you really be insulting the guy who’s gonna let you shove your big cock in his ass?”

Shannon kissed Jared roughly, then grabbed him by the shoulders and began coaxing him down his body. “We’ve got lots to talk about, Jay ... later.”


End file.
